Chapter 3: Paradise

I didn't know what happiness was until I gazed at the scenery before me. I stood atop the hill, the sweet, soft grass tickling my bare feet, the cool breeze whistling in my ears. It ran through my hair, caressing my skin with gentle, unseen fingers.
Below me lay the most beautiful scene I had ever set my eyes upon. Heaven on Earth. That was the first thing that came into my mind when I first saw it. The lush green hill, dotted with purple and yellow wildflowers, sloped gently down to a small pond surrounded by sweet-smelling rushes. I could catch a faint glimpse of emerald ripple from where I stood. Though I couldn't see it, I know that the dragonflies were at the pond already, skimming the glimmering surface with their iridescent wings. Beyond the pool stood the forest, dim and cool and inviting. The forest was filled with bluebells at this time of year. I could see patches of bright blue in the darkness of the trees. I drew a deep breath, taking in the sweet, fresh scent of country air. This was it. This was the happiness we'd always wanted. This was the place we were looking for all this while.

We. My happiness died. Realisation dawned on me, that there was no 'we' any longer. Up till that day it had always been the two of us, searching for Paradise, two wild adventurers on a quest in search of the unknown. But not anymore. There was only 'me' left, much as I didn't want to face it.
I looked down at the green pond. I fumbled in the pocket of my coat, searching until I found what I was looking for. I drew it out carefully. It was a folded piece of paper. I opened it slowly, my fingers trembling. I fought the tears back as best I could. When I had unfolded it, there it was. Lovingly sketched, his hand around mine, this was the reason for our search, etched forever on a little scrap of drawing paper.
It was a simple sketch, really. It certainly wasn't one of his best, but it was most certainly the one that held the most meaning to me. To us. We drew it together when we were still in the city. Sitting at a small street cafe, waiting for our cheese bagels and coffee, cursing the noisy vehicles honking past us, dirty black smoke vomiting out of them.
"This is crazy," I had grumbled, fanning myself with a napkin. "Remind me again- what exactly are we doing here?"
"Calm down," He had said. His face was calm and serene, a smile playing at the corner of his lips.
"Calm down?" I had been incredulous, so the words came out sharper than I'd meant them to be. But the whole situation was so surreal I had done nothing but continue on. "I can't calm down!. This weather, all these cars, this choked-up feeling, it's all too overwhelming! I can't take it anymore, and all you can say is calm down?!"
He laughed at my outburst. Oh, that sweet, soft chuckle. He had always laughed at what I said, whether I'd meant it as a joke or not. But I knew that he had always taken me seriously. I knew he did then, because after I'd sulked in silence, he spoke seriously, "Maybe we should go away somewhere."
"Yeah, sure. To Paradise, right?" I rolled my eyes. That was our private joke. Whenever reality came down too hard on us, we'd play at finding Paradise- a place where it was just the two of us, away from the staring eyes, the criticism, the alienation of the city, everything.
"I'm serious." He had said, leaning forward in his seat. "We've always been playing at the idea. The idea of escaping, of leaving this place. Why shouldn't it come true? I know we can do it- both of us."
I didn't know what to answer. He never did talk much- so many words in so short a time left me uncertain. All I did was stare into his earnest eyes. Those dark, beautiful orbs that seemed to go down forever, bottomless pools. In the sun, they would turn a lovely hazel, but at the cafe, as twilight descended upon us, they seemed to sparkle, like black jet in the moonlight. So captivating. So unreal.
"Well," I managed after a while. "Don't you think that we should at least have a rough idea of how this Paradise of ours should look like?"
The look on his face disappeared, and he let out another chuckle. God, what wouldn't I give to hear that sweet laugh again?
"Then let's do it," he said. He opened his leather shoulder bag and drew out his sketchbook, then his tin of pastels. He opened the box and handed it to me with a flourish. I chose one randomly. Apple green. Our favourite color. His hand closed around mine.
"It will be...far away." he said softly, almost into my ear. His hand guided mine across the rough paper, making soft lines of green. "Away from all the cars, the rude comments-"
"And the crazy heat," I added. I picked up another pastel. Sunshine yellow. He said nothing, but I knew he agreed. He was concentrating so intensely on sketching that I knew he was trying to conjure the image up in his mind, making it clear enough to transfer it down onto the paper. I closed my eyes and concentrated too. I wanted so much to see the picture behind his closed eyelids, that scene that lay just a baby's breath away.
It was like wading in water at first. Treading through the bottomless pools of his eyes, the water solid black without even a ripple. But slowly, colors started to form the way a photograph would develop, and suddenly I not only saw the picture in his mind, but lived in it. First came the vivid green grass, followed by the multicoloured wildflowers- violets, lavender, pansies, lily of the valley, nodding and bowing in the breeze, each giving off their own unique fragrance. Their sweet scents came to be as I saw them dot the grass. Then I felt the gentle incline of the slope, felt the cool, turquoise water of the pool at my feet. Then the heady smell of bluebells from the dim, dark woods that appeared only a few shades lighter than the black waters. All this I saw so clearly, so clearly I felt as if I could stretch my hand out and touch the soft flower petals and scoop the sparkling waters into my cupped hands and raise the cool liquid to my lips.
"Well, what do you think?" his soft whisper of triumph brought me back to reality, and when I opened my eyes I instantly saw the picture on the paper. Delicate curves of colour, a soft touch of white to show the sun reflecting against the liquid mirror of the green pool. It caught me by surprise, and yet there was an odd tug of familiarity to it, as if it was a past memory I'd locked deep inside me, and through his magic touch it had been set free.
"Well?" he was looking at me, smiling with his eyes as much as with his lips. I smiled back.
"It's Paradise."

So now, here I am. Standing at the place of our dreams. Paradise. I sighed, holding the paper before me. What is it now but useless reality all over again? A dream brought to life, but lived by only one half of the dream. It was pointless to stay here. I didn't want to. Not without him. Not without him beside me- to laugh that sweet laugh at every word I said, to understand me without having me explain myself, to smile that gorgeous smile that never failed to make my heart stop.
I sat down on the grass and stared at the green pool down below. It's time to move on. Time to go in search of another Paradise. I opened the tin box of pastels, drew one out at random. Hazelnut brown. The color of the forest trees, the color of the eyes I drowned myself in. I closed my own eyes, shutting out the sunlight, the grass, the pool. A new image came to me slowly. It materialised slowly, emerging from the mist. Mixed ripples of color at first, but slowly, slowly, it became crystal clear.
With that, I began to sketch.